1) Not knowing my own dad's email.
2) sending him an email and waiting for 3 days before a reply
3) sending him a really detailed email full of possible responses and I get 4 sentences.
4)him not responding to my questions about how everything is
5)his not asking me how I am
6)him not making conversation and only concerned with when the next time i'm going up there is. Clearly his concern is not to talk to me.

He makes me feel like a failure as a daughter, which i'm sure if he saw this he would say that. And I know this relationship is why I'm so fucked up. I'm sorry. I just don't understand. I'm gonna go cry now. Bye

There are two ways to be proud: 1) to have self pride in your accomplishments and there to 2) be proud of someone, having pride in offilation them with yourself. In a way the second one almost sounds like in order for you to spend time with them they have to have some quality or achievement that deems them up to your standards.

My dad is a #2 man. For the past week we haven't talked, he just calls or texts me say how proud he is (in one to two lines) then end of conversation. It's nice to hear it( i guess? ) but whenever I hear it it has the opposite effect, subconsciously heard it makes me want to not do well.

In comparison it makes me realize how much I really love my mom. She doesn't have to say she's proud of me because I've always known that no matter what I do she'll be proud. She'd probably perfer me to sucseed... but if I failed it would be ok too. Why is that? Because she raised me and was there through all the good, bad, achievements, and failures.

It's a completely different thing to be proud of someone after they've already accomplished something rather than be proud of them after having stuck with them through the good and the bad.


--Ugh, sorry about the ranting, it just really makes me mad that he has the odesity sometimes to even compair himself to her. And he is so stupid, sorry, but some of the stuff he does is!!! Like since I was a little kid he's always dissed my mom and complained about how she's taken money (child support) from him and how it's not fair. You should NEVER talk bad about someone that the person you are talking to cares about, it just makes you look bad and people get a bad impression of you.

*sigh* I feel a little better now ^__^


--Got to 139LB btw. I think my problem with not studying so hard this year is because I actually know and like people, and that's a good thing but bad because I'm not working as hard!

Dear Diary, aka "John",
Today was a good day. lol
So spend the last week at Dad's house with that family, that includes Christmas. It was all fine and fun except my stepmom doesn't accept me as a vegitarian so i've been living on carrots, cellery, crackers, cheese, onions, potatoes, stuffing, and a WHOLE lot of sweets!! I feel sick.

Anyways, so today was my birthday.
1) woke up at 7:00AM!
2)left dad's house at 7:15AM
3)Met with mom in waco
4) went to a vegitarian resturant for lunch
5) got bubble tea at momokos
6) got home, hung out
7) picked up tina and met up with Daniel, David G., Burns, and Edward.
and they sung me happy birthday and got two scoops of ice cream
then we walked over to the arbor theatre and saw a movie called Doubt, during it Burns and i were holding hands (doesn't mean anything, just thought it was worth mentioning

I feel like my real vacation just started!